When we’re young, we have to wait to be old enough to do things.
Now that we’re older, maybe we’re old enough not to do things.
If you’re the kind of person who is nice most of the time, self-sacrificing, doing most anything that needs doing, taking responsibility for everyone around, here are some things you are old enough not to do:
~~ listen at great length to people who talk about things that have little meaning to you. While this may sound arrogant, I believe we have a right to politely excuse ourselves from these kinds of conversations and seek those that stir our souls.
~~ join in to keep from hurting other people’s feelings or from the fear of looking bad. You can say, “No thank you” to movies you don’t want to see, bands you don’t want to hear, books you don’t want to read. And you can say “no” without explaining or justifying yourself.
~~ express your true opinions instead of pretending to like something you don’t. You don’t have to like everything that others like to “fit in.” You can say you didn’t care for that dress, those shoes, that speech.
~~ follow the crowd in its latest fad. You don’t have to own a smart phone for fear of being criticized or thought outdated.
~~ feel guilty about what you want or don’t want. The things you desire—or not—are earmarks of who you are. If you’ve been shamed for your wishes, let go of the guilt and continue with your desires.
~~ give to every charity or try to make up for what others lack. You have needs too, and sacrificing doesn’t necessarily help others.
On the other hand, if you’re the kind of person who seldom follows the crowd, rebels at authority, criticizes others often, believes your opinion is gospel, disagrees with others “just because,” here are some things you are old enough not to do:
~~ state your opinion as if it is the only truth. To quote a mystery writer I once read, “There’s nothing you can’t prove if your outlook is sufficiently limited.”
~~ cover your ears to avoid hearing other people’s ideas. You may find, in this new hearing, a person who holds the key to healing your aching heart.
~~ correct or contradict automatically what others say in order to feel true to yourself. Agreeing for a change—when you secretly would like to—doesn’t mean you aren’t an individual.
~~ steel your heart to others’ tragedies with thoughts like, “She deserved it” or “That’s what happens when you don’t think straight.” Putting yourself in the other’s shoes may ease the pressure on you to be perfect.
~~ admit to your loneliness. Rebelling for its own sake can create an isolation it’s hard to find your way out of.
And for all of us, we’re old enough not to keep protecting our hearts by loving less than we’re able. We don’t have to wait to be old enough to live fully.