In January this year, my partner, Bill, and I set out on a three-month driving adventure through southern Mexico—a great passion of ours, particularly during Colorado winters. Here are some reflections on connections during our journey:
~~What’s in a name? Fairly rhetorical to Shakespeare, but for me it means Connection. We ask anyone we meet—any server, housekeeper, hotel staff, shopkeeper, taxi driver or other acquaintance—their name. And there is immediate human connection. We can take our own name for granted, but when we hear it, something happens inside. And Mexican names are fun and challenging which makes for more conversation while trying to understand. Saying a person’s name is a tribute in a way and precious to connection.
~~What’s in a state? When Bill and I began traveling to the Yucatan Peninsula in 2003, I didn’t even know Mexico had states, and is, in fact, the “United States of Mexico.” Now we ask where people are from and they name their state. And in turn ask us. We describe Colorado’s mountains and forests of pine. Another connection—your home, our home.
~~We’re in challenges together. This pandemic has touched us all. The Mexican government’s mask mandate means everyone on foot, bicycles, scooters, motos, cars and buses, has to wear a cubreboca (literally, “cover mouth”). And we have honored it this three months. That made trying to understand Spanish and speak Spanish even harder than usual. But there’s the connection—back and forth, repeating, Bill saying “Despacio!” (slowly) in comical, exaggerated fashion, made for lots of laughs and light bulbs when we got it or they did.
~~We’re in the flow together. We once asked a Mexican friend in Mahahual how everyone stays safe when driving without many signals or seeming direction. And he said, “It’s flujo,” like intuitive, take-turns movements. So we try “our way” til gradually, unknowingly, we are in flujo. For example, on two-lane roads, there is extra space on each side of the highway marked by a white line, usually dotted. When someone is passing, coming head on, we move to the edge which accommodates half of our car width and the driver being passed does the same. Therefore, three lanes. But it takes some getting used to and flashing headlights for reminders.
~~The eyes have it. We’re masked, the Mexican person we’re talking with is masked. Can’t use full facial expression to get meaning. Can’t depend on a smile or a frown. The eyes have it, literally. They smile, they frown, they’re sad, happy. We’ve gotten better in three months at figuring out meaning without understanding words or seeing mouth expressions. We can look at a stranger with eyes smiling and receive an eye-smile back. Another connection, another way.
~~Preconceived notions can block connections. When we hear how different another culture or person is from us, it might be a little scary. Stereotypes float around and can tend to make us reluctant to learn for ourselves. When we take each person as they come, without judgment, misconceptions fall away. Sometimes we’re disappointed, sometimes it’s a joy. Either way, there’s a connection.
~~Connections don’t have to seek intimacy. It’s not that we’re connecting to feel closer, although that can happen. It’s a way to acknowledge the other’s humanness, a way to convey a sense of equality in that we both have a place on this earth. And at this moment, we share that place. It’s not about having a happy time or even significant sharing but being. Existing as humans together.
This trip has taught much and given us some great joys and immense challenges— opportunities to connect with another culture and make new friends. Un placer, it is and was.