Sometimes setting goals and counting on certain outcomes can keep us from living a full life. Goals are things we want to make happen. And outcomes are the ways things turn out. If it doesn’t look like we’ll have the outcome we want, we may give up the goal. But worse, we may overlook what can happen along the way while we’re going for our goal.
Let’s say we decide to try painting, something we’ve always wanted to do. We start with lessons, reading books, looking at art. We feel a thrill when we paint. When we are away from it, we can’t wait to get back. We begin to dream of showing our art in a gallery some day, having it sell. That becomes a quiet yet passionate goal.
At some point in our new creative venture, we get bogged down, as happens in most things where we live and learn. We don’t like the way our paintings are turning out. The goal of showing and selling our art seems more and more impossible, more and more foolish. Even though we love the act of painting, if the outcome seems dismal, it makes it harder to keep going.
So what do we do? Sometimes quitting’s the thing to do; other times, looking sideways and doing it anyway can save us.
If we want to continue painting, we need to pay attention to both our goal and what we’re doing to get there—and in the end, see what happens. If we only have our “eye on the prize” (as Stephen Covey calls focusing on our goals), we might quit if outcomes look too bleak. Unless we pay attention to more immediate aspects of the process such as learning about our own style of painting, the colors we love and don’t love and why, our painting is too goal-bound. We’ll miss experimenting if we’re too consumed with getting into a gallery.
It’s similar in relationships. We can set goals of what kind of person we want to be. And regardless of outcomes, unless we’re clearly hurting ourselves or others, we can pay attention to what we need to change and what we pay allegiance to—staying steadfast to ourselves while adjusting along the way.
Mother Teresa wrote,
“…If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives.
BE KIND ANYWAY
If you are honest, people may cheat you.
BE HONEST ANYWAY
If you find happiness, people may be jealous.
BE HAPPY ANYWAY
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow.
DO GOOD ANYWAY
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough.
GIVE YOUR BEST ANYWAY.”
What she’s saying to me is this: Just because I don’t get the response I want from other people doesn’t mean I stop being me. I may be misinterpreted, judged, condemned; but these outcomes have to be evaluated in light of who I want to be.
If you love what you’re doing and who you’re being, do it anyway and be it anyway.