We could call February, with Valentine’s Day at its heart, the “month of romance.” But what could possibly be said about romance that hasn’t already been said? Well, it’s an 1829 poem by Edgar Allan Poe, a 1938 movie, “Romance in the Dark, and “any long, fictitious tale of heroes and extraordinary or mysterious events.”
Just for fun, let’s see what romance is to you. Email me three things that represent romance, and then read on.
In spite of our culture’s insistence that romance is for couples, we don’t have to have a partner to have romance. We can make romance our lifelong “tale of heroes,” an ageless approach to believing in love and seeing the beauty of the world amidst the frightful. Romance doesn’t wait for a partner. It’s a mind-set that stops to smell, artfully cut, put in an antique vase to gaze upon in one’s own kitchen, the “roses” of everyday life.
A life of romance isn’t ruled by practicality but spends lots of time thinking about how to add a fun flare to mundane activities, like going a different route to the grocery store to see what you can see. It defies the social convention of not speaking to strangers but tells a fellow shopper how nice she looks. It’s asking a friend what he or she sees in a summer cloud formation. It breaks routines on purpose–setting the table with the “good china” just because.
When romance is about relationships, it‘s pure fiction. Like Don Quixote, we fantasize an heroic encounter with our Dulcinea because we want “to reach the unreachable star.” When we’re attracted to someone, we see a handsome creature through star-crossed eyes, one with few flaws.
It takes an heroic person to live a life of romance. Highs so high we fear we won’t come down; lows so low there’s nowhere else to go. Betrayal, adventure, obsession, joy, sensuality, stupidity, verbosity, etc. As the song, “The Impossible Dream,” says: “to run where the brave dare not go.”
By seeing romance as extraordinary, we acknowledge it doesn’t come naturally to many of us and it doesn’t fall out of the sky. Steve Martin’s Cyrano de Bergerac character in the movie, “Roxanne,” has to teach his good-looking counterpart how to express romantic feelings. With no hope of winning the lovely Roxanne for himself, Cyrano Steve pours forth his love in sterling verse. It is a big part of his heart every day. It is the way he is.
The elements of risk and surprise are at the heart of romance. That’s what makes it mysterious. When we reach for someone’s hand, will he or she take it? When we dance in a coffee shop, can we stand others laughing? If tears fall when that long-ago song pierces our heart, can we keep from hiding our faces?
Oscar Wilde said it: “To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.” Wishing you a romance way of life this Valentine’s Day.