In 1954, Kitty Kallen recorded a song called, “Little Things Mean A Lot.” She’s singing to all ages, but when I sing and play for elders in assisted living, I learn that title is particularly true for them as a group.
Not that big things don’t count, like good health and enough money and being able to drive a car. But things we think wouldn’t matter much—that’s what I’m talking about. Sometimes little is big.
The value of gestures both shrink and expand as we age. Being gifted a new dining room table should be a lovely present, but maybe it feels like just another “thing.” Having someone come mop the kitchen floor, however, can feel like a huge gift–someone cares enough to come over and see how I am. It’s a big little thing.
Offering to help an older person physically can be no great task. And even if he or she resists for fear of imposing or being reminded of slowing down, the offer still lets them know they’re cared about. As Kallen sings, “Give me your arm as we cross the street…little things mean a lot.”
Time can have different meanings for older folks, changing minutes into hours. Even if I think being a few minutes late to play music isn’t a big worry, several elders have let me know with a concerned look they thought I wasn’t coming. As the song says, “Call me at six on the dot….little things mean a lot.”
Money doesn’t lose its value as we get older (except with inflation). But we begin to know it can’t buy us more years, can’t buy us back our memory, can’t make the aches and pains vanish, can’t keep our friends alive: “Don’t have to buy me diamonds or pearls…cause honestly, honey, they just cost money.” Spending time, not money, holds its value.
What matters most is the love it takes to be there . We don’t have to worry that picking a flower and taking it to mom will be “enough.” We don’t have to wonder whether sitting in silence with a friend on his porch is “enough.” We don’t have to question if a phone call to say hello is “enough.” The song says it: “Whether the day is bright or gray, give me your heart to rely on.”
Romance doesn’t slow down with older age. The gestures that say, “You’re still something special,” may mean even more. And the lack of complimenting a smile or hairdo or pretty eyes can reinforce the sad belief that, “I’m no longer attractive,” or “I’m becoming invisible.” Lovers may be long gone, but the need to feel “seen” by others only gets stronger. As Kallen sings, “Blow me a kiss across the room. Say I look nice when I’m not. Touch my hair as you pass my chair.…For always and ever, now and forever, little things mean a lot.”