As I reread this article, I’m struck with how simple it sounds—dealing with disappointments. But of course, it’s not. These are ideas that hopefully may lead to looking deeper into the inevitable.
One major psychological school of thought believes that how we deal with disappointments is the mark of our maturity. Well, that makes me about two years old sometimes. At other times, I come closer to my real age.
What happens when we experience something really disappointing? We react, and then we have to deal with it. We make a face, most likely sour. We catch our breath, or exclaim, “Oh no!” We can feel immediately sick. Some of us look for someone to blame, or try to make someone else feel bad to keep us company. We might lash out at whoever delivered the bad news. Or cry if it’s sad news. We can feel lost or victimized. Really, we might want to throw a tantrum like the little kids we are. Who can blame us?
Here are a few “adult” thoughts on dealing with disappointments:
~~ Pretend to others, not to yourself. You may act like the disappointment isn’t bothering you, but don’t kid yourself. When you face it and don’t judge yourself for how it affects you, it’s easier to put the disappointment in perspective and see what lies ahead.
~ Only you can know what it means. Be careful not to adopt what others think about your disappointment. If some would make light of what feels crushing to you, you have your reasons, your history.
~~ You’re not alone. Coming to truly believe that disappointments are a part of life for every human on earth won’t change the initial hurt. But it can help relieve the repetitive, stinging isolation of, “Why me?”
~~ Take your time. Take the time and space you need to absorb the disappointment. Walk, breathe, meditate, sit and rock. There’s no “right” time frame for dealing with disappointments. Some will be quicker to handle, some slower.
~~ Get through not over. To “get over” a disappointment might imply we should forget about what happened. I like to think we can work our way through our feelings to deal with what’s happened.
~~ After the feelings comes the thinking. Muster your courage and ask yourself lots of questions. What does this disappointment do to your life right now? What will it mean in the long run? How have others dealt with disappointments that sound similar (there’re plenty of examples in print and internet)? Can you share what’s happened with a person you trust? Is this a one-off, or are you often disappointed?
~~ Come to accept that you’ve been disappointed and why.
When we survive hard stuff and keep going, we can become more resilient. That doesn’t mean we have to feel great about it or be thankful for it or make it a “good thing.” We can still feel the hurt and start looking for other ways to make our lives better.
Disappointments often come with dreaming of wants and desires. So I say, keep dreaming and know that hurts happen. Working through them can actually create new dreams.