It’s the month of Thanksgiving. So why is it sometimes so hard to be thankful?
The obvious reason is that it feels there’s little to be thankful for. Money worries, job threats, health issues, friends dying—-I’m supposed to be grateful for that?
And who says we have to be thankful, anyway? President Lincoln (who first designated an official Thanksgiving Day), preachers, sages, our parents, therapists—someone’s always telling us we should be thankful. Nothing like being shamed into saying “thanks” to make us resist being thankful.
Here are some reasons why it’s difficult to feel thankful and a thought about each:
~~ It’s a religious concept, and I’m not religious. While all major religions promote gratitude as a virtue, thankfulness is a spiritual practice.
~~ Feeling thankful doesn’t increase my luck. What it apparently does, though, is increase our ability to more successfully handle bad luck.
~~ I’m not grateful because I didn’t get what I really wanted. Being grateful can make it easier to look for other things that might bring fulfillment.
~~ I’m too proud to say “thanks.” It makes me feel like less of a person. It is indeed bravery that allows us to overcome society’s preference for the “strong, silent type” and lets us say “thank you!” out loud.
~~ I don’t feel grateful all the time, so I guess that makes me an ungrateful person. Who could be grateful all the time?
~~ I feel guilty because I have many more blessings than my friends, so I keep my feelings of gratitude to myself. Thankfulness can be just as powerful when it’s expressed silently.
~~ I feel scared when I’m glad for all the good things in my life—like something bad will happen. Something bad will happen whether you do or don’t feel gratitude. As American poet Jack Gilbert wrote, “We must have the stubbornness to accept our gladness in the ruthless furnace of this world.”
~~ I never saw my folks say “thanks,” so I don’t know how to express gratitude. Giving thanks isn’t a personality trait. It’s learnable with practice. You can develop your own style.
~~ I’m a pessimist—it’s easier to see what’s missing. It will definitely feel weird if you start focusing on what you do have. I dare you to try it.
~~ I work hard for what I get, so I don’t need to be grateful. Giving thanks may make working feel a little less burdensome.
~~ I should have gotten more a long time ago, so why be grateful? As longshoreman-turned-philosopher Eric Hoffer said, “The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings.”
No one can make us “be thankful.” And we can’t be grateful all the time. But there’s no question in my mind, after looking at the long list of positive results in many studies, that gratitude is linked to a healthier, happier life. It might be worth an experiment—maybe a monthly gratitude journal—to see if expressing thankfulness over time makes your life happier.