Recently, I was waiting for a friend to join me at a restaurant. Another friend of mine, Tony, worked there. I saw him and we exchanged our usual “Hi, how are you?” greetings. He said he was fine. I watched him talking and laughing as he served other tables ’til my lunch mate arrived.
We had lunch and as we left, we noticed a group of employees around the darkened kitchen door. It looked as if someone had fallen. In the parking lot, a fire engine roared up. My friend and I wondered what had happened, but then went on our own ways.
A few days later, I received an email that Tony died. It was such a shock. That was Tony working at the restaurant. I just saw him! I just spoke with him. He was his lively, friendly self.
It struck me how much and how often I take life for granted. I try to remember that we’re all mortal, that accidents happen, that any of us can die any time. But I still take for granted that I’ll see or talk to my friends…the next time.
I guess we can’t really focus on the fact that the person we’re talking to can be dead the next moment. How could we stand it? We think of people in our lives and say to ourselves, “I really should call her,” or, “I haven’t answered his email from last week.” But we’re busy with so many other things. We don’t make the call and the email slides further down the mail box.
What if we part angrily? If we have a fight or leave without a word because of intense feelings, how can we remember that Life makes no promises about the next moment?
Years ago a friend told me a story, his tears flowing without caution. His family was on vacation. His 13-year-old son wasn’t having fun, was complaining of a headache. My friend got frustrated with his son’s lack of enthusiasm and yelled at him about how he was acting. Several hours later, his son died of meningitis.
There’s a saying, “Don’t let the sun set on your anger.” But how can we remember in the midst of our emotions that this may be our last encounter with the person in front of us?
One thing is clear to me. It takes a lot of forgiveness to keep living. We can do our best, but often times we don’t. We can’t keep everything that’s important at the forefront of our mind–even how tenuous life is. So we have to be able to forgive ourselves for forgetting, for being selfish, for being distracted.
My refrigerator notes help me. I read the sayings, secured by magnets, and see that they are the important things of life: the pictures of those I love, the quotes I want to live by. I treasure the reminders. I also know the importance of forgiveness. As writer Lewis Smedes said, “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover the prisoner was you.”