We all have certain behaviors that drain our batteries, so to speak—-habits that sap our energy, dim our light and eat away at relationships.
The good news is, we can start searching out our power leaks and concentrate on recharging our personal power.
Here are some of the culprits:
~~ Blaming. Do you think other people make you feel a certain way? Do you hold others accountable for what you do?
We blame in self-defense when we feel like a victim to someone (or a group or government). We try to make others responsible for our feelings and actions because we believe we don’t count in this world. When we take back our power by believing we matter and are responsible for ourselves, we can shape our lives.
~~ Projecting. Do you hate others for their weaknesses? Do you feel superior to those you don’t like?
Believing the other guy is the one who does all those things we don’t like is a way of not acknowledging those things in ourselves. We lose power because, unless we own our disagreeable traits, we can’t change them.
~~ Shaming. Do you scold people for their behavior? Do you belittle others when they disagree with you?
Shaming is an attempt to make others feel as bad as we feel inside. The power leak here is trying to feel better by putting others down which blocks our ability to do something about what’s making us feel bad.
~~ Judging, as in judgmentalness. Do you strongly pronounce things as good or bad? Do you criticize others for what they believe?
It takes a lot of energy to be “all puffed up,” as my grandma would say. Judgmentalness is believing you know what’s right and wrong, good or bad, for everyone. If we take back the energy we spend in self-righteousness and condemnation, we can evaluate people and situations with a neutrality that doesn’t drain our souls.
~~ Controlling. Do you tell others what to do? Do you insist they do things a certain way, even after they say how they want to do it?
This behavior gives a false sense of power because others may take our advice. But we fail to notice the anger and resentment that happens, that they may hide. Our power leak here is the energy spent in convincing the other we know what’s right instead of understanding we each have our unique way of living.
~~ Grudging. Do you keep track of the injustices done to you? Can you recite the past hurts you’ve endured?
Nothing wastes energy like focusing on the past where nothing changes and you’re alone in your misery. Energy is gained by realizing that humans do hurtful things and we can move on. Letting go of the suffering from past grievances allows energy to power new experiences.
The “simple” answer to stopping power leaks is paying attention to our own lives rather than what others are doing—seeing where we shine and where we want to make changes.