…Now, where was I? Oh, getting ready to write an article. I had a really good idea, but what was it? My memory’s so bad. Oh yeah, I remember now. I was going to write on memory.
If I had a penny for every time I blame my memory for failing, well, I can’t remember how much I’d have, but a lot!
Here’s an all-too-typical scene at my house. I have a lunch date and can’t find my keys. (Slight degree of frustration pops up.) They’re not where I usually put them. I retrace my steps. (The frustration increases as the clock ticks.) I look in my car in the sack of things I have to take back to the store, under the seats, in the cup holder. (Now I’m beginning to feel some anxiety and the flush of irritation.) I go back in the house and unload my purse, search my coat pockets. (The irritation turns to anger: “I’ll be late. Why can’t I remember anything? I’m going to wear them around my neck when I find them!”) On the third trip to the car, I look under the big sack of things I’ve already been through in the back seat and there they are.
How could they have gotten there? Must be ghosts. Or maybe, I think in a depressed moment, I’m getting old….
Prompted by a desire to make myself feel better, I thought about this memory business. I thought about it so much that I had an epiphany (not as messy as it sounds): maybe this is NOT about memory or aging at all. Maybe it’s about not paying attention to what I’m doing at the moment.
I’ve worshipped The God of Multitasking forever. But now the world seems faster. Maybe I can’t afford to do several things at the same time and still keep track. New technology brings new expectations. In the dark ages, when phones had dials, we placed our finger in the hole, one number at a time, and rotated it. Today, my fingers fly over the touch-tone system like it’s on fire and my fingerprints are in danger of being seared off.
I asked a friend the other day if she thinks we misplaced things as often when we were younger. We agreed we probably did. But as we think retirement, we make our memory the culprit—and ultimately, we blame aging.
Some current sages tell us peace of mind comes more readily by focusing on what we do as we do it. Dr. Lisa Genova, neuroscientist trained at Harvard, says just that in her recent “Ted.com” talk, How Your Memory Works. She believes, based on her research, that focus—not memory—helps us deal with everyday recall.
Paying attention takes work. I’m making it a priority, talking to friends about it, concentrating. Somehow I think it’ll be less work than looking for things I can’t find and less hurtful than blaming my memory and aging.